Listening

I won’t tell you how many partial posts are sitting in my “Drafts” box. Things I’ve started to say, things I’ve wanted to say, things I’ve tried to say, but things that have ended up lacking any kind of form. Words are still having a hard time finding form for me these days. It’s getting better, but I still struggle with them. I’m using fewer words these days, out loud and even internally. I’ve definitely spent a whole lot more time listening than speaking over these past 3 months. Listening to the Lord, obviously, listening to my kids, listening to music, listening to the wisdom of family and friends…

And a whole lot of listening to myself.

After some pretty rough moments in those first weeks after Corey died, I decided that I needed to be kind to myself. Kind. Kind like I would be to someone I love if they were walking this road. Kind, and gentle – two things I’ve not always been with myself but am working on.

As I’ve been listening, the Lord has been speaking. Sometimes our conversations are wordless, which I can’t really explain, and sometimes there are more solidly formed thoughts and ideas about what life looks like going forward – because living on “PAUSE” is just not an option. For now, these things are mostly just for me. The Lord may lay it on my heart to share some of them at some point, but for now I’m holding close the things He’s been showing me. They’re new things, as life is new now, and if you’ve followed this blog for any amount of time, you know I’m a processor. And there’s a whole lot of processing of all the new in my life.

I was on a walk with a friend last night when she mentioned that today was already August 1.  Hard to believe, but today marks 5 years since we moved to Washington from California. Boy, what a different new I’m living now than I thought I’d be living when we set out on this “adventure” that morning five years ago. I told her it seemed like 5 decades and 5 minutes – all at the same time.

My parents were up last week and took the kids back to California with them for their annual summer visit, which means it’s been pretty quiet around here. Another new. But you know what? I’m OK. All the quiet just means more listening. There’s a peace that’s settled deep into my soul that I can’t explain. A peace that comes from a whole lot of listening to the quiet, gentle promises God’s Spirit has been speaking to me these past months.

I want this next season of my life to be marked by more listening, by more peace. My steps are slow and deliberate these days, but they are steps forward so I’ll take them. I’ll take tentative forward progress over getting stuck in a rut any day. I don’t know how often I’ll post in the coming months, I guess when I feel I have something to say or when my words start finding form again. In truth, I’d rather say nothing at all than ramble on and fill the page with formless nonsense.

I was going to say that my life seems to be in “Draft” mode, kind of like all those partially-written posts I’ve started and not finished, but I don’t think that’s true. I think my life, my story, is being written in a new dialect that I’m slowly coming to understand, bit by bit, word by word. And that understanding comes only with listening. So listen I will.

I’ve come to understand that the pen is not mine but I can affect the way it glides across the pages of my life – and when it’s all said and done, I want this story to be a beautifully written one.

 

18 thoughts on “Listening

  1. Beautifully said. In listening for that “still small voice” it is going to be amazing as to what you will be able to share & all of us will be able learn more about Him. Love you!

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  2. Thanks for the update!
    He’s thinking about your right now. He knows everything that’s going on and is always with you! Praying right now!
    Psalms 139:17-18 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

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  3. Mindy, you are so gifted in sharing your thoughts. I know the Lord is speaking to you … and that you’re listening. That’s something most of us often fall short on do this is a reminder to me and others reading your post that communication with the Lord is a 2-way street. He always does his part, we must do ours. Your ending paragraph was beautiful.

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  4. Praying to the Only One Who can answer on your behalf.
    Psalms 55:16-17 As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me. Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.

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  5. This passage gets to me every time I read it. Such amazing comfort! Praying right now!
    John 14:1-3 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

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  6. The Lord will be with you, every second of every day. He will never leave you! He knows everything you’re going through and is working! Praying!
    Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

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  7. Don’t want to overload you with comments so am going to cut back posting. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop praying. I’ll always be praying for your family every, single day!
    The Lord knows everything that’s going to happen and is there waiting for you.
    Deuteronomy 31:8 And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.

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  8. The Lord hears every prayer lifted up in true faith! Lifting up prayer for you right now!
    Psalms 34:8, 15 O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. (15) The eyes of the LORD are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry.

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  9. You’re in His Almighty Hands! Praying!
    Romans 8:16-18 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

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  10. Mindy,
    It’s been awhile since I checked your blog…
    But I think of you & the kids all the time & hope you are doing okay. I just love reading every single thing you write. The fact that you are so open & honest with what you are going through, (even the rough moments) & how you are dealing with your new life, it’s just amazing to me.
    I have a close friend who just lost her husband of 31 years. He was Mark’s Best Man at our wedding… I am going to share your blog with her. I wish you strength & peace.
    ❤️Carol

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