Like it is for countless families across the state (and country), it’s back-to-school season in the Grant house! It’s a new and exciting season around here as both my kids are now high schoolers! Abbie is a freshman, Jayden is a junior, they started a new school, and, with Jayden driving now, this is the first time since he started kindergarten that I haven’t driven them to school on their first day. I had mixed emotions watching them pull out of the driveway for sure, but I could not be more proud of and hopeful for these two as they embark on this new journey!

Jayden and Abbie were just in 2nd & 4th grade when I started this blog six and a half years ago. And while I rarely go on Facebook anymore, I can’t make myself close my account permanently. Late last night as I was scrolling though the back-to-school pictures I posted yesterday and reading everyone’s comments, this memory popped up. To be honest, it was like a bucket of cold water to the face, but it was also sweet. Who in the world would have imagined that our back-to-school pictures going into their 3rd & 5th grade years would be the last ones their dad would be there for? Corey was already going through chemo treatments at the time, and none of us had any way of knowing how that school year would end.

I know he would be so stinkin’ proud of these two. And I am so grateful for the HOPE of eternity and the knowledge that he is cheering them on as part of the “great cloud of witnesses” (Hebrews 12:1).

I look at those little faces and feel such a mixture of sorrow and pride. I’m sad for what they’ve missed out on. I’m sad that they have to pause and contemplate how to answer the question that always gets asked by new people, “So what does your dad do?” I’m sad for what they’ve missed out on with him over the past five and a half years, and I’m sad for what they’ll miss out on with him over the next five and a half decades. But I can’t let myself live in that sadness — or even stop and sit it for very long.

The next part of that passage from Hebrews encourages us to “…keep on running the race marked out for us” and to “keep looking to Jesus… the one who started this journey of faith (and) the one who (will) complete the journey of faith.” There are a million questions that I don’t have the answers to. But one thing I do know is that I will stay on this road and trust the Author and Finisher of it. These kids have lived through unimaginable hurt and trial, and — by God’s grace — they are thriving. They are leaders. They are strong. They are smart. They have a great group of friends. They have the kinds of conversations that sharpen and deepen their own faith. I’m amazed by them. I am proud of them. I believe in them. This road is not easy, but I believe with every fiber of my being that it will be worth it, and that they will be fine. Better than fine.

Speaking of worth it, unlike the past few school years, I did not have to jump into schoolwork this week when the kids went off to school. My first day of college was August 17, 1992. After eleven thousand, three hundred and twenty three days, after 104 classes, after three separate attempts, as of August 18, 2023, I — finally — completed the coursework for my bachelor’s degree.

For those of you who struggle with math, that means it took me 30 years to complete my 4-year degree.

There’s so (sooooooo) much I could say about this journey, but it really just boils down to feeling incredibly grateful. There is no way in all the world I could have done this without the support of my family. My kids were so, so supportive. My parents sold their house and MOVED HERE to help me get through the past couple years. My sister and brother-in-law flew to Virginia to watch me walk at graduation and celebrate with me. These people, and countless others, cried with me, prayed with me, and cheered me on like I was pitching a no-hitter in game seven of the World Series. This was perhaps a tad more difficult than I imagined it would be when I set out four years ago to do this (my third attempt at finishing). But man, was it worth it.

I realize everyone’s journey is different. Navigating the loss of a spouse and becoming a single parent looks different for everyone in this stupid club. But for me, going back to school was — without question — the absolute best thing I could have done; for myself and for my kids. This journey reengaged my brain, which was involuntarily stuck in a fog after Corey’s cancer journey and death. It removed the option of getting stuck in a rut, sinking into myself, and worst of all, feeling sorry for myself. Don’t get me wrong, there have been moments when all of those things happened, but having a goal I was determined to accomplish didn’t allow me to stay there.

I see that now as a gift to myself, and I am grateful that I both gave it and received it.

Here’s the thing about pushing through… it is A L W A Y S worth it. When I set out to finish my degree, I didn’t know what the specifics would look like. I made my way to the starting gate, I could see the finish line, but the middle part? I didn’t have a clue what it would look like. I even only had a vague idea about “what I wanted to be when I grew up.”

But as He does, the Lord saw to it that the right people intersected my path at the right time and in the right places. A well-timed piece of direction from an academic advisor as I was finishing my AA at the local junior college, Covid mandates leading me to change universities at the bachelor’s level, so much encouragement from professors (I actually had three separate professors encourage me to push on for my PhD and come teach alongside them at the university level. Who in the world would have imagined?), and the perfect internship, all led me to the finish line — where I graduated summa cum laude, with a 4.0 GPA!

Graduation week at Liberty University was one of the best experiences of my whole life. It far exceeded anything I could have imagined when I (re)started this journey four years ago. But isn’t that just like God? He is the giver of good gifts; of perfect gifts. My parents, my kids, my sister and brother-in-law all flew back to Virginia to celebrate with me live in person at as I walked the stage and finally heard my name called. It was one big bundle of perfection. It was such a gift. I don’t think I stopped smiling the whole week. It was hard, but it was worth it. And I am both grateful and proud.

It was in just the 3rd post on this blog that I introduced you to my favorite Psalm (and the name of this blog: Unshaken). Psalm 16:8 says, “I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken.” That has been my declaration for the past six and a half years and it continues to be my declaration today.

I don’t know what’s next for me, but I know Who does – and I trust Him.

It’s highly likely that this will be the last post for me here. I do feel a stirring to write more and do more, but probably on a different platform. I can’t say how grateful I am for the support and prayers of everyone who has been a part of this journey. I hope that I have encouraged you even a fraction of the degree to which you have encouraged me.

With gratitude until we meet again…